It’s 10 PM on a Monday night. I’m tired. My neck is aching. But I need to write. I need to…
Today I made an out-loud confession I’ve never made to anyone before, including myself. It was hard to admit, and even harder to hear.
God, I’ll confess it here, too.
I have not been writing for me, or for You. I’ve been writing for selfish gain. Writing in hopes that the “right” person would come along and recognize ME. Writing for a following. And even still, as I wander around cyberspace, my pride and ego gets the best of me as I wonder why my blog never skyrocketed to the top while so many others have.
But You knew my motives were not pure. You knew my heart was in the wrong. Still the same, You used me to bless many people who have passed my way. You offered the world Your hand through my blog, even when I was looking for a handout. You were my only Sponsor who really mattered, and yet I overlooked You as my Provider.
Grace.
Grace covered me even during those greedy, egotistical moments. Grace carried me along until you finally shut me down and shut me up. Grace was what held me in a waiting period, sitting at a cross road, cross legged and dumbfounded.
And it was here in my newfound longing to know the One True God where you began to rip me apart, shred me to pieces, and played the slideshow of my selfishness.
So tonight, with weary, tired eyes, I dedicate my writing to You. I surrender it to You. I submit it in writing. Signed, sealed, and published. I ask that You alone would lead my path; that You alone would be my partner on this journey.
But now, Lord, I am stirring up the gifts that You have given to me…that You have conveyed to me. I am praying that from this moment on, whatever I write or create You will bless, anoint and use for Your Kingdom glory.
Thank you for sharing. I am really touched because I feel the same way. I came accross to your blog from "Daily Reminders from God" (God will make your dream come true). I went to bed crying last night because I told my BF last night that I never see my dreams comme to pass and he told me its because it's not what God has planned for me. And I cried because I was hurt. Why would God put something in my heart and never make it happen in the first place? Then this morning when I woke up, I searched the web for people who are like me, who doesn't see their dreams coming to pass, then I found your site. And I'm so thankful and grateful because of your post. I am enlightened and my faith and hope is renewed. so Thank youmillion times! :)
ReplyDeleteVhiely, thank you for sharing your heart with me! I know that can't be easy, but I know your pain. I understand it more than you could ever imagine. Recently, a friend of mine sent me her copy of a book that has changed my thinking about "dreams" forever! It's called, Shattered Dreams, by Larry Cobb. It has put all that hurt and confusion in perspective. If you get a chance, I highly recommend buying it or borrowing it from the library. You will NOT be disappointed, and your hope (and dreams) will be renewed and refreshed with a whole new, GODLY perspective. Please keep me posted on how things go for you, and thanks again for trusting me to share such a personal part of your story with me. That means a lot to me. God Bless!
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