It’s 10 PM on a Monday night. I’m tired. My neck is aching. But I need to write. I need to…
Today I made an out-loud confession I’ve never made to anyone before, including myself. It was hard to admit, and even harder to hear.
God, I’ll confess it here, too.
I have not been writing for me, or for You. I’ve been writing for selfish gain. Writing in hopes that the “right” person would come along and recognize ME. Writing for a following. And even still, as I wander around cyberspace, my pride and ego gets the best of me as I wonder why my blog never skyrocketed to the top while so many others have.
But You knew my motives were not pure. You knew my heart was in the wrong. Still the same, You used me to bless many people who have passed my way. You offered the world Your hand through my blog, even when I was looking for a handout. You were my only Sponsor who really mattered, and yet I overlooked You as my Provider.
Grace covered me even during those greedy, egotistical moments. Grace carried me along until you finally shut me down and shut me up. Grace was what held me in a waiting period, sitting at a cross road, cross legged and dumbfounded.
And it was here in my newfound longing to know the One True God where you began to rip me apart, shred me to pieces, and played the slideshow of my selfishness.
So tonight, with weary, tired eyes, I dedicate my writing to You. I surrender it to You. I submit it in writing. Signed, sealed, and published. I ask that You alone would lead my path; that You alone would be my partner on this journey.
But now, Lord, I am stirring up the gifts that You have given to me…that You have conveyed to me. I am praying that from this moment on, whatever I write or create You will bless, anoint and use for Your Kingdom glory.