Friday, March 1, 2013

Giving Up The Dream

What are dreams anyway?

Over the years so many of my so-called dreams in life have been shattered to pieces. Some were due to destructive decisions, others were out of my control completely, and others just weren’t meant to be.

I’m trusting God in something major in my life: my decision to stop writing my blog, NOTE TO SELF: Daily Reminders from God. I came to the difficult conclusion abruptly this morning, but not after nearly a year of agonizing over what was happening to the blog and why.

I changed formats so many times that eventually it began to look like a stranger to me. While everything at a moment felt right, eventually I was empty and drained. I wasn’t feeling the Holy Spirit anymore. Every once in a while I was inspired, but I was mostly roused by the desire to speak my mind from the perspective of being a woman of God.

I’m opinionated, but my opinions are based on a Biblical foundation. I’ve never been afraid to speak my mind, and it’s probably one of the only areas in my life in which I am completely confident about. I don’t ever mind telling you how it is. Ever! And I won’t ever walk away from informing someone when they are being misled. As a follower of Christ, it’s my duty to keep Christians on the right track (Ephesians 6:18).

I’m giving up my dream of writing daily devotionals, but I’m determined not to give up writing entirely. This blog bears my name. It will hold all that I am, all that I’m doing or not doing, and it will also bear my witness to Truth. One thing it will not do is sell out. I tried that on my other blog and I failed miserably. If no one follows along or cares about what I say, it won’t matter and it won’t hurt me. I’m not going to promote it, share it, send it around in hopes someone will notice it/me. If you’re reading this, it’s probably by mistake. If you stay: fantastic! If you don’t: that’s okay, too. (Notice: there is no membership, no traffic counter, no affiliates, no “buttons”, no link ups.) This is going to be my online home where I vent, rant, rave, journal, bless, worship…write. Just write to write because God made me a writer. And it will be raw and real, mostly unpleasing to man, but mainly pleasing to feed a desire God placed inside of me.

I dream of being published one day. I pray to God He’ll make it happen, and I pray that when He does He’ll bless it beyond any of my human expectations. Because, you see, I was also born to speak, but God gave me the ability to speak through the written word. But I’m not seeking it out anymore. I spent half of my life spinning wheels and banging my head against walls. I believe with my WHOLE heart that if it’s meant to be God will make it happen, not me because I tried and I failed. Now it’s up to God. And in the meantime, I’m just going to be…me.

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